Tuesday, 31 December 2013


The Film Corner presents the 3rd Annual Top 10 Heroes of Canadian Cinema - 2013 Edition

as selected by Greg Klymkiw - filmmaker, writer and film critic
in alphabetical order by first name or first letter of company name

A tireless supporter and promoter of genre film, his magnificent Toronto After Dark Cinema Film Festival just celebrated its 8th year and over the course of nine days over 10,000 fans filled the seats. Most importantly, Lopez has continued to showcase the work of Canada's best genre filmmakers by screening an insane number of Canadian shorts and features. And guess what, audiences go nuts over them - thanks to Lopez and an amazing team of collaborators. Lopez has, over the years, assembled a crew of brilliant, dedicated genre-freaks and festival professionals and while too numerous to name here, a few who make the whole event such a great one include such inimitable forces as Peter Kuplowsky, Christian Burgess and Stephen Landry. The list goes on, but an organization can only be as great as the captain of its ship and I can think of fewer people as obsessed with providing a classy event as Lopez. Greatness MUST flow from the top on down and that's certainly the case here.

He made two of the best feature length documentaries of the year - in Canada or anywhere. One took Hot Docs by storm, the other TIFF, where he won the Best Canadian Feature Award as well as being named to TIFF's Canada Top Ten. As a filmmaker, Zweig subverts all expectations and plunges you into the least expected territory in a style uniquely personal and finally very much his own – so much so I predict that we’ll eventually see new generations of filmmakers drawing from his approach and using it as a springboard for their own work. This, of course, is what all great art inspires. And Zweig is nothing if not inspirational. He's also a curmudgeon and a comedian. The best curmudgeons, of course, are lovable softies beneath the fleshy layers of malcontent grumbling and the best comedians NEVER try hard to make you laugh - they just DO. And hell, in one year he gave all of us 15 reasons to live and proved that when Jews were funny was that time in everyone's life when family and the cultural hearth that nurtured us is still alive IF we keep it alive and never forget who we are or where we came from.
Bonne is a veteran film publicist. I first met her in the 90s via the late, great and inimitable film distributor Jim Murphy where she oversaw the publicity and marketing of several important Canadian films at Malo. Her company StarPR, continues guiding our films and filmmakers into the maw of p.r. and she does so with cheer, aplomb and boundless energy. Recent offerings she's shepherded include Stories We Tell, Empire of Dirt and Ingrid Veninger's The Animal Project. She's a class act. One of only a few I can count in that profession on my two hands.

He is the "Oskar Schindler of Toronto Cinema" - at least according to his pal Matt Brown who coined the phrase to describe Colin's Herculean efforts to save and preserve all manner of film culture in the Centre of Canada's Universe. (I've seen but a fraction of the archives and experienced multiple orgasms over it.) As a programmer with TIFF, he's presented some of the finest Canadian films in his Midnight Madness and Vanguard series and he's now got his hands on The Royal Cinema and it looks like great news for Canadian independent filmmakers. Even more exciting are Colin's efforts as an executive producer - most notably, his incredible job bringing the brilliant Manborg to the world. More, I can assure you, will follow. Of course, there is a cliche that behind every great man is an even greater woman. Here, it is no mere cliche. With Colin, he is in cahoots on most matters professional and artistic with his brilliant wife Katarina Gligorijevic and they're a formidable duo. She has the edge, though. She is, you see, of the Serbian persuasion. (Like my old man once said to me after seeing Underground, "The Serbs are our ["our" = Ukrainians] brothers and sisters in the fight against the oppression of communism." This really has nothing to do with anything, but it sounded good at the time.)

Via his production company Viddywell Films, Glen Wood continues to display the sort of vision he's always applied to his trajectory in the Canadian film business (including a visionary stint as Mongrel Media's home entertainment division head honcho). He collaborated with an old partner in cinematic crime, the "I don't take no for an answer (but so politely and gently and with even Karma, if you please)" Jordana Aarons and together they brought "Stage To Screen" to life, a series of cool, short films celebrating the illustrious career and opulent architecture of Toronto's legendary, magical and still majestic Wintergarden Theatre. With a gala premiere, support from BravoFact and other notable cultural institutions, one of the six films, Wakening, from director Danis Goulet and writer Tony Elliot, historically took the honour of being the first Canadian short film to open the Toronto International Film Festival's Opening Night Gala. Glen and Jordana collaborated a few years ago on the TIFF Sprockets award winning Chris Trebilcock short Adam Avenger and while they have their own companies and slates (Aarons' company is Cedar Avenue Productions), one assumes this professional marriage made in Heaven will continue onwards and upwards.

He is a national treasure. He is one of the most important filmmakers Canada has ever unleashed. He is a great teacher and mentor and a fiercely committed human rights activist (as human being and filmmaker). On his way to Gaza with Canadian emergency room doctor Tarek Loubani (to explore the potential of making a new film), he and Loubani witnessed the savage, brutal slayings and assaults upon innocent civilians in the military-controlled dictatorship of Egypt. Loubani sprung into action with medical assistance as Greyson began to shoot the carnage, his camera and unflagging eye capturing the truth of events most mainstream media couldn't begin to imagine doing. He and Loubani were illegally arrested, tortured and incarcerated in a Cairo prison. They never gave up hope and conducted themselves as friends to and advocates of their innocent fellow prisoners. John and Tarek are free now. Loubani continues to offer healing in the emergency room in London, Ontario whilst Greyson, one of the sweetest, most intelligent and committed artists in our country continues to teach and make cinema. Greyson will even be making an appearance at the TIFF Bell Lightbox to discuss activist cinema. Don't miss that, folks. It'll be a rare opportunity to shout: Bravo Maestro!

She's ambitious, talented and the camera loves her. She's the host and engine driver (along with her mother, producer Joanne Uhlmann) of the Smithee TV web series "Katie Chats". I love her style, which is getting slicker with every interview. She genuinely, as the title of her show says, "CHATS". She asks the kind of questions that let film practitioners deal with all aspects of their work - everything from thematic issues to the basic nuts and bolts. She's logged and uploaded over 1200 interviews online and her importance to the Canadian film industry cannot, for even a second, be underestimated. Why? Her goal is to build the largest database of interviews with Canadian filmmakers - ever. And she's well on her way. What's great is that she not only interviews directors, but writers, producers, editors, sound recordists, the list goes on. Her interviews are painting a valuable portrait of Canada's film culture. Oh, she'll interview non-Canadians, too. :-) Jesus. Did I just use a smiley face? Well, that's what she inspires - smiles all round. She's friendly, good-humoured, spirited and genuinely interested in chatting with people about their important work so necessary to building our vibrant cultural heritage.

I met Mitch Davis online in the mid-90s (it was dialup access back then kiddies). Newsgroups were the rage amongst movie geeks and it made sense I'd be trading quips with someone like Mitch on alt.cult-movies. Mitch was in Montreal producing a feature film directed by his best pal and roommate Karim Hussain (one of the best cinematographers out there these days having spectacularly shot Richard Stanley's L'Autre Monde, Jason Eisener's Hobo With a Shotgun and Jovanka Vuckovic's The Captured Bird). The feature took several years to make and was fraught with all manner of difficulties (negative impounded, absconded with and general fucking over due to the film's delectably vile content). I was producing a film around the same time - not necessarily "vile", but extremely controversial - and I started having a whack of trouble getting my footage processed at the National Film Board of Canada lab in Montreal. It turned out the NFB were getting flack for processing footage for Mitch and Karim's film and when I strolled in there with a movie starring Nina Hartley, Annie Sprinkle and Daniel MacIvor (sporting the hugest life-like penile prosthetic known to man), the proverbial merde hit the fan in the dank hallways of NFB, the sounds of outraged bureaus' splattering resonating over the endless drone of flickering fluorescent light. Several email quips followed, along the lines of "Hey Mitch, thanks a fucking lot for getting the bureaucrats' hair standing up on end before I got the pleasure, bud. Thanks a fucking lot" and replies along the lines of, "No problem, anytime." Luckily, I was prepping the film for a screening at the World Film Festival (Festival des Films du Monde de Montréal) and a couple of telephone calls from fest toppers Daniele Cauchard and the formidable Serge Losique kept the bureaus at bay and I got what I needed. My path crossed with Mitch briefly in 1997 when he and Karim became co-directors of the magnificent FantAsia film festival, but as the years churned on, I found myself in Montreal less and less. Newsgroups are pretty much long-gone, but now there's Facebook and Twitter and I'm able to keep abreast of Mr. Davis' exploits. It's 2013 and Mitch is STILL the co-director of what's become a genre film festival as important to international buyers, critics and fans as Sitges, L'Etrange, TADFF and, of course Midnight Madness at TIFF. And here's the deal, Mitch, like his colleagues in Hogtown, Colin and Adam, has been a constant champion of Canadian Cinema - programming a myriad of shorts and features every year along with the tremendous foreign offerings. He's still rocking and Mitch has become one of the foremost finger-on-the-pulse guys in this business. And he proudly posed for a photograph with Mayor Rob Ford. It's enough to make anyone who trolled newsgroups in the 90s green with envy.

Okay, so this is the third year of this formidable list and for a third year in a row, I've simply decided - here and now - that this magnificent human being is probably going to keep doing endlessly heroic deeds to keep me doffing my hat in her estimable direction. Not that she wants it, needs it or asks for it. Sarah Polley is the real thing. She makes great movies and never stops working to make life better for other people. This year, she's being inducted into the Order of Canada and her extraordinary Stories We Tell has taken the world by storm. It's even a finalist leading up to the Oscar nominations for Best Feature Documentary. The thing, however, that filled my heart with a heavenly body worth of warmth, on an almost daily basis this year, was how she moved mountains to fight for the release of John Greyson and Tarek Loubani from their illegal incarceration in Egypt. She rallied the troops at TIFF, put the plights of the pair on the lips of movie stars and wags from all over the world, pinned "Free Tarek and John" buttons on everyone in her path, distributed buttons to an army of volunteers who, in turn, did likewise. She never stops. Ever. And on top of it all, she's still a Mom - a normal, loving, wonderful Mom who can be seen on the streets with her sweet little girl, getting sun, going for walks - being a Mom of Moms. She IS a national treasure and of anyone I know, she is probably the greatest ambassador to the world of what it means to be TRULY CANADIAN!!!

It's because of people like Silva Basmajian that the National Film Board of Canada continues to hold the high reputation that in recent years, it would NOT have if it wasn't for her warm, gracious, inviting filmmaker-friendly approach to her work. Silva Basmajian was with the NFB for 30 years. This year she retired. Sure, she probably wanted a change of view after three decades of service - NOT so much to the NFB (true bureaucrats serve their bureaucracy, not their clients) - but to the art of Canadian film culture and all the filmmakers who benefited from her wisdom, experience and kindness. Personally, my feeling is that no matter how insistent she might have been to retire is that it's to the NFB's utter shame that the whole organization didn't get down on its knees (something bureaucrats know how to do better than most) to do everything possible to keep her within the organization. It's typical of such bureaucracies - especially in Canadian government agencies - just how petty they are and how little they have by way of honour and commitment to those who MAKE THEM. For example, a recent visit to the NFB's institutional website yielded NOT ONE HIT when I plunked her name into a search engine. NOT ONE!!! I tried again and again and again. Put all other names of NFB types - past, present and, uh, soon to be leaving - and there were plenty of hits for THEM. I went there in search of a page that might have provided a nice summary of her career and service with the NFB - some small online tribute. Nothing. I will tell you, as someone who has benefitted from her wisdom and guidance and as someone who knows veritable bucket-loads of people who've garnered only the best of what someone like Madame Basmajian has offered, she has been one of the most important driving forces at the National Film Board in English Canada - ever. In recent years as the Executive Producer of the NFB's Ontario office, she led the way with numerous quality productions, cutting edge initiatives and, of course, Sarah Polley's Stories We Tell. I'm too lazy right now to find an equivalent to the word "mensch" to describe this truly great lady. Whatever it is, if it even exists, it wouldn't be good enough, anyway. Silva Basmajian IS a mensch of the highest order and I wish her the very best in the next phase of her brilliant career.

Monday, 30 December 2013

Greg Klymkiw's 10 Best DVD and Blu-Ray Releases of 2013 - Don't rent or download - BUY! BUY! BUY!

The 10 Best DVD and Blu-Ray Releases of 2013
(in alphabetical order)
By Greg Klymkiw

American Mary
Anchor Bay Entertainment Canada
The Blu-Ray edition of American Mary, one of the best Horror films made in years is completely and utterly orgasmic. It's ultimately the best way to see the movie at home - bar none. Dynamic Duo directors The Soska Twins have a great imagination, but even better, they have a phenomenal eye (well, actually, make that, uh... FOUR eyes) and this is a true keeper.

Baby Peggy: The Elephant in the Room
Milestone Films/Milestone Cinematheque
Baby Peggy was 19 months old in 1920 and became one of the world's most beloved child stars in countless shorts and features. This is her story. This terrific documentary by Vera Iwerebor includes the most delightful extras imaginable - the full length Baby Peggy feature Captain January and three Baby Peggy Shorts.

The Lord of the Flies
The Criterion Collection
The Criterion release of Peter Brook's adaptation of William Golding's classic book is another must-own title. The Criterion version includes the following items: New, restored digital transfer (box set edition); new, restored 4K digital film transfer, supervised by editor and cameraman Gerald Feil, ASC (two-DVD and Blu-ray editions), with uncompressed monaural soundtrack on the Blu-ray edition, Audio commentary featuring director Peter Brook, producer Lewis Allen, director of photography Tom Hollyman, and Feil, Audio recordings of William Golding reading from his novel Lord of the Flies, accompanied by the corresponding scenes from the film, Deleted scene, with optional commentary and Golding reading, Interview with Brook from 2008 (two-DVD and Blu-ray only), Collection of behind-the-scenes material, including home movies, screen tests, outtakes, and stills, Excerpt from a 1980 episode of The South Bank Show featuring Golding (two-DVD and Blu-ray only), New interview with Feil (two-DVD and Blu-ray only), Excerpt from Feil’s 1973 documentary The Empty Space, showcasing Brook’s theater method, Living “Lord of the Flies,” a piece composed of never-before-seen footage shot by the boy actors during production, with new voice-over by actor Tom Gaman, Trailer, PLUS: An essay by film critic Geoffrey Macnab (two-DVD and Blu-ray only) and an excerpt from Brook’s autobiography The Shifting Point, New cover by Kent Williams (two-DVD and Blu-ray editions); new cover by Olga Krigman (box set edition).

Anchor Bay Entertainment Canada
From Anchor Bay Canada in partnership with Raven Banner comes the most triumphant DVD for any Canadian Film ever! This DVD is comparable to a Criterion Collection release. This phenomenal no-budget Canadian movie from Astron-6 must be seen by all burgeoning (and maybe even quite a few veteran) filmmakers. Dive into the fabulous extra features and learn how to make your first feature the RIGHT WAY!!! This DVD is practically a film school in a box. DON'T WASTE MONEY ON FILM SCHOOL, JUST BUY THIS DVD!!! And if you DON'T agree these guys made EXACTLY the kind of first feature REAL FILMMAKERS must make when they are bereft of money, then you are a POSEUR! In the tradition of John Paizs and Guy Maddin, Astron-6 is the REAL THING!

The Message
Anchor Bay Entertainment Canada
Moustapha Akkad's historic epic is brought to Blu-Ray glory and includes the Arabic version of the film and an excellent making-of documentary. This, along with its Akkad companion piece The Lion in the Desert (also on Anchor Bay Blu-Ray) star Anthony Quinn as a formidable butt-kicker for Islam. These are important works that present a unique perspective on the birth of the religion as well as the historic struggles between Islam and the colonial forces of Mussolini.

The Criterion Collection
Fans of Robert Altman's masterpiece have waited their whole lives for this home entertainment release. The film holds up brilliantly (as it always does) and it looks great. I must admit, I'm still going through the bounty of added value features, but so far, they are up to the high standards of Criterion. This DUAL-FORMAT BLU-RAY AND DVD SPECIAL EDITION features: • New 2K digital film restoration, with 5.1 surround DTS-HD Master Audio soundtrack on the Blu-ray • Audio commentary featuring director Robert Altman • New documentary on the making of the film, featuring interviews with actors Keith Carradine, Michael Murphy, Allan Nicholls, and Lily Tomlin, assistant director Alan Rudolph, and screenwriter Joan Tewkesbury • Archival interviews with Altman • Behind-the-scenes footage • Demos of Carradine singing his songs from the film • Trailer • One Blu-ray and two DVDs, with all extras available in both editions • PLUS: A booklet featuring an essay by critic Molly Haskell

Repo Man
The Criterion Collection
Alex Cox's quintessential, if not utterly seminal 80s cult film classic gets its much-deserved & long overdue Criterion Collection treatment in this ABSOLUTE MUST-OWN BLU-RAY. What shines are all the other added value features. Deleted scenes, many of which are genuinely terrific in and of themselves, are presented with some very amusing interstitial segments involving some extremely surprising guests joining Cox in the proceedings. A taped roundtable discussion between Cox, producers Peter McCarthy and Jonathan Wacks, Zamora, Richardson, and Rude on the making of the film seems at first a repeat of the issues discussed in the commentary track, but proves to be an excellent supplement. New interviews with musicians Iggy Pop and Keith Morris and actors Dick Rude, Olivia Barash and Miguel Sandoval are thoroughly delightful. The two utterly exquisite highlights of Criterion's great disc are a "cleaned-up" television version of Repo Man - replete with all sorts of hilarious alternatives to the more "foul" elements of the picture as well as scenes not used in the theatrical version; and the second item is a phenomenal taped conversation between producer Peter McCarthy (whose questions are always terrific) and Harry Dean Stanton. Stanton's philosophies on life and work are insanely cool - so convinced are we of his POV that we only think AFTER watching it that he might have brilliantly been pulling our respective legs. He probably wasn't, but this interview is, I think so historically important that it works as a mini-film unto itself and feels less like an "extra" and closer to the sort of creative approach taken years ago by the master of these sorts of things, Laurent Bouzerau. The packaging is impeccable and the added booklet is packed with tons of great reading (including Cox's original financing proposal for the film). The artwork and art direction of the booklet, the box and the menus are all first rate. This is not only a great and important movie, but overall, the Criterion presentation (along with the exquisite transfer) is one of the best I've had the pleasure to dive into in years.

The Criterion Collection
Seconds has been given the royal treatment on the Criterion Collection Blu-Ray. Here are the disc's highlights: A stunningly restored 4K digital film transfer, with an uncompressed monaural soundtrack, a genuinely great commentary with Frankenheimer, a surpringly insightful interview withactor Alec Baldwin, excerpts from "Hollywood on the Hudson" TV show from 1965 that has on-set footage and a Hudson interview, a fine making-of with interviews from Frankenheimer’s widow and actor Salome Jens (who plays the film's "love interest"), a 1971 interview with Frankenheimer, a decent visual essay by film scholars R. Barton Palmer and Murray Pomerance and the de rigueur booklet that has the added value of a superb essay by movie critic David Sterritt.

Sunday, 29 December 2013

OUT OF THE FURNACE - Review By Greg Klymkiw - Neo-Noir enshrouds Rust Belt's Braddock, Penn.

Out of the Furnace (2013) ***1/2
Dir. Scott Cooper

Starring: Christian Bale, Casey Affleck, Woody Harrelson,
Willem Dafoe, Sam Shepard, Zoe Saldana, Forest Whitaker

Review By Greg Klymkiw

When a movie opens with Woody Harrelson at a drive-in theatre forcibly shoving a wiener down his date's throat and then, after smashing her face repeatedly against the dashboard he barrels out of the vehicle to savagely beat a man who tries to come to the woman's rescue, you know beyond a shadow of any doubt where you are.


It has another name in America - it's the Rust Belt, the grey, dirty and dreary cities and towns of Pennsylvania that belch endless clouds of poison smoke into the sky from the steel factories providing the lion's share of employment to the dazed citizenry unlucky enough to live there. Save for working in the mills that slowly kill you and/or signing up for military duty in the Middle East, the only other real employment is in the dark underworld that permeates the tattered fabric of this septic tank of despair.

There are plenty of bars and off-track betting parlours to numb the pain of living.

And there's violence. Plenty of it.

Director Scott (Crazy Heart) Cooper's fine, muted crime drama from a screenplay he adapted from an original script by Brad Ingelsby takes us through familiar territory, but it does so in ways wherein the eruptions of extreme cruelty come when you least expect them. The tropes of the genre are employed, but you never quite know how they'll manifest themselves and this might be one of the picture's greatest strengths. An atmosphere of hopelessness pervades the world of the film and even when Russell, a mill worker (deftly underplayed by Christian Bale) tries to make a good life for himself, events conspire to keep dashing his simple, reasonable hopes for something resembling a future. His brother Rodney (Casey Affleck) is a desperately shell-shocked soldier with three horrific tours of duty in Iraq (and a fourth pending). His solace is in gambling and his future in underground bare-knuckle boxing.

Amidst the empty storefronts of Braddock, Pennsylvania and in the dank, empty home where the brothers' Dad dies a painful death from the effects of working the mill his whole life, Russell and Rodney's lives will soon cross paths to be inextricably linked with the psychopathic thug Harlan DeGroat (Harrelson) and the tough, but strangely amiable bar-owner (and bookie) John Petty (Willem Dafoe). To say things get grim is an understatement. Out of the Furnace is a heartbreaking portrait of an America on the verge of total collapse. Ironically, it's set on the eve of Barack Obama's victorious ascension to the presidency in 2008, but any shred of hope is dashed by the reality of a country that's been battered by a genuinely villainous corporate New World Order that is intent upon driving an even bigger wedge between rich and poor. What's left is an ever-increasing class of the working poor and the insidious element of low-level thuggery and crime.

The movie is finally unrelenting in painting a portrait of a grimy world not unlike the real Old West, where senseless acts of violence can be met with vengeance, but nothing about the retribution is sweet.

Director Cooper delivers a picture that'll be hard for audiences to face, but the end result will haunt them long after the lights comes up and strangely, they'll feel richer for having seen this journey rather than the myriad of empty extravaganzas littering the movie screens. Though the movie is saddled with an unfortunate love-interest and subplot involving Zoe Saldana, it survives this ho-hum intrusion upon a world that otherwise feels intrinsically male - where the traditional roles applied to men continue to permeate a savage, desperate existence.

"Out of the Furnace" is in a surprisingly wider release (via Relativity Media/VVS Films) than one would expect for a film of uncompromising darkness. Given how gorgeously shot on actual 35mm film stock it is by ace cinematographer Masanobu Takayanagi, it is definitely worth seeing on a big screen.

Saturday, 28 December 2013

THE HOBBIT: THE DESOLATION OF SMAUG - Review By Greg Klymkiw - The Decimation of Peter Jackson

Do any hobbits wish to clog dance?
The happy folk of the Shire need to kill a dragon, but will they? "By the big toe of Bilbo Baggins," you ask, "Will they?" Well, all I'm willing to say is it's going to take you 281 minutes to find out.

The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug (2013) 1 PUBIC HAIR

Dir. Peter Jackson
Starring: Ian McKellen, Martin Freeman, Richard Armitage, Benedict Cumberbatch, Evangeline Lilly, Lee Pace, Luke Evans, Orlando Bloom

Review By Greg Klymkiw

I don't care how much money this or the other Hobbit movies make - suckers are born every minute - but I used to have something resembling admiration for Peter Jackson as a filmmaker. As if The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey wasn't bad enough, but part two of this dull, convoluted, interminable saga is beyond the pale. While it is thankfully bereft of the endless Hobbit clog dancing, mead guzzling and fiddle playing that permeated the first instalment of this folly, it now, sadly, has nothing going for it at all, save for dull roller coaster rides that we're forced to yawn our way through as there's little else to pay attention to.

Even worse, is that Jackson and his cohorts have gone out of their way to tamper with J.R.R. Tolkien's book in some unbelievably stupid ways. Now, let it be said, I have very little use for Tolkien, but "The Hobbit" was, at the very least, a relatively slender volume with an emphasis upon magic more than mayhem. However, this distended-stomach of a movie goes out of its way to concoct as many opportunities as possible to shoehorn in a ludicrous number of action and chase scenes to showcase the derring-do via the inexplicably ugly accelerated 48-frame-rate digital so that the usually crappy digital 3-D is even crappier.

Characters and events are concocted - not just for the aforementioned reasons - but to idiotically tie-in these new films with the Lord of the Rings trilogy so that watching all six back-to-back will yield a full epic a la the George Lucas Star Wars saga.

It's almost impossible to assess any aspect of this film properly since it, its predecessor and, no doubt, the final instalment have no real reason to exist in this idiotic form. Yes, the entire cast acquits themselves as best as one could hope for and there are design elements - mostly with the various monsters - that are in and of themselves kind of cool, but finally, all I can ask is, "For what?"

On a number of fronts, Jackson had already created a fine legacy for himself with virtually every film he's made, but so far, the woeful trilogy seems at best, little more than a cynically calculated cash grab and at worst, a pompous, misguided attempt to rewrite Tolkien so The Hobbit can flow more naturally into The Lord of the Rings. Chances are pretty good that if Tolkien had wanted to do so, he'd have bloody well done it.

What remains, finally, is little more than the image of a spluttering dunderhead jamming square pegs into round holes and getting millions of likeminded brain-bereft audiences to pay for it and cheer him on in the process.

"The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug" is playing everywhere.